Why Do People Ghost? Insights From Therapists and How to Heal From It

Imagine meeting someone amazing at your running group and hitting it off immediately. You exchange messages and phone calls daily, growing more connected. Then, suddenly, they disappear without a word. Your texts go unanswered, your calls ignored, and they even block you on social media—all without any explanation. This bewildering behavior is called ghosting, and if you’ve ever dipped your toes into today's dating world, chances are you’ve been on the receiving end of it.

Ghosting can be deeply unsettling, especially after you've built some level of trust and connection. It leaves you feeling confused, hurt, and sometimes even questioning your self-worth. According to therapists who specialize in relationships and emotional health, ghosting often reflects more about the ghoster’s emotional state than anything you did or said. Understanding this can help you process the experience and begin healing.

There are many motivations behind why someone might suddenly cut off communication without explanation. Most often, ghosting has little to do with you personally. Instead, it typically signals emotional challenges the other person is facing, such as immaturity, difficulties with attachment, or a lack of emotional awareness, explains relationship therapists.

It's important to mention that in situations where you feel unsafe, threatened, or in danger—whether emotionally or physically—it’s completely appropriate to block someone immediately. This kind of disappearance is about protecting yourself and is not the same as ghosting for avoidance or indifference. True ghosting usually happens in less clear-cut circumstances and can feel cruel because it leaves you hanging without closure.

Here are some of the most frequent reasons why someone might ghost you, as shared by therapists:

1. They struggle with expressing their feelings and are emotionally immature. People who are emotionally underdeveloped might make promises they can't keep and can't bring themselves to have honest conversations about their feelings or intentions. Instead of facing a difficult discussion, they choose to vanish.

2. They might have been dating multiple people simultaneously and backed away when things became serious. When faced with the idea of commitment or introducing you to friends and family, they opted to ghost rather than face the pressure of exclusivity or expectations.

3. Sometimes, after a few dates, they realize they aren’t interested in a committed relationship or don’t share the same goals. Without feeling an obligation to explain early on, they disappear to avoid uncomfortable confrontations.

4. Life events or personal struggles can cause someone to pull back abruptly. For instance, if they faced a sudden loss or mental health challenge, they may retreat without explanation until they figure things out.

5. Anxiety or fear of abandonment can lead individuals to self-sabotage relationships. The overwhelming emotions can make them feel safer withdrawing than engaging, resulting in ghosting behavior.

6. A chaotic or unstable upbringing might have taught them to avoid attachment. People who grew up in unpredictable environments often develop protective habits like detaching quickly, fearing vulnerability or eventual loss.

7. In some unfortunate cases, people ghost because they’ve taken what they wanted—whether emotional, financial, or physical—and lost interest. These individuals were never genuinely invested in a relationship; instead, they used the relationship for their own benefit before disappearing.

Being on the receiving end of ghosting is painful and confusing because it denies you clarity and closure. The good news is that many others have walked this path and found ways to heal and grow stronger. Relationship therapists suggest several strategies that can help you process your feelings and regain your footing.

1. Consider seeking support from a therapist. Therapy can give you a safe space to explore your feelings and understand patterns in your relationships. If you’ve noticed a recurring trend of being ghosted, therapy can help uncover why you might be attracting people who are avoidant or emotionally unavailable.

2. Writing a letter to the person who ghosted you—even if you don’t send it—can be incredibly therapeutic. This exercise allows you to voice your feelings, express your hurt, and say everything left unsaid. Releasing your emotions in this way can help you feel more in control and facilitate healing.

3. Discuss the relationship and its red flags with a close, trusting friend. Sometimes, an outside perspective can highlight warning signs or behaviors you overlooked. This reflection can empower you to make healthier choices in the future and lessen the impact of the ghoster’s actions on your self-esteem.

4. Surround yourself with people who uplift and support you. Being around friends and family who care about you can rebuild your confidence and remind you that you deserve respect and clear communication in relationships.

5. Focus on self-care routines that nurture your emotional and physical well-being. Activities like journaling, meditation, gentle exercise, or indulging in hobbies can help you reconnect with yourself and soothe emotional wounds.

Healing from ghosting isn’t instant, and it’s okay to feel hurt or confused along the way. But with time, support, and self-compassion, you can move towards relationships that are grounded in honesty, respect, and mutual care.

Ghosting can sometimes blur the lines between avoidance and emotional cruelty, especially when the relationship involved significant investment and commitment. The severity of its impact often depends on how long you were involved and how deep your emotional connection was with the person who ghosted you.

For casual, brief connections—like chatting on a dating app for a few days—ghosting may simply indicate a lack of interest, which, while disappointing, isn’t necessarily abusive. People might lose interest as they meet others or realize the match isn’t right for them.

However, if you’ve been in a consistent relationship for several months and your partner suddenly cuts off all contact without explanation, this could reflect a serious lack of empathy and emotional responsibility. Therapists consider such behavior a warning sign of possible narcissism or deeper emotional issues.

In longer or more invested relationships, ghosting can leave one feeling abandoned, disrespected, and emotionally violated. It challenges the basic principles of communication and respect that healthy partnerships require. Recognizing these patterns is crucial to protecting your emotional health.

Remember, ghosting speaks more about the other person’s inability to handle difficult conversations and emotional maturity than about your worthiness. If someone disappears rather than talks things through, they aren’t ready or capable of the honest, grown-up love you deserve. When that happens, trust that better connections are waiting for you.