Key Relationship Deal Breakers and How to Navigate Them

When you’re in a relationship, there are likely qualities that attracted you to your partner in the first place, whether it’s their creativity, humor, or irresistible charm. At first, everything might feel exciting and romantic, like a perfect story filled with passion and joy.

But as time goes on and your relationship becomes more serious, you might begin to notice little things that feel off or make you uncomfortable. These quirks or habits might make you question if they’re signs of bigger issues — possibly deal breakers that could impact your future together.

A deal breaker is essentially a non-negotiable boundary in a relationship that, when crossed, leads you to feel the relationship can’t continue. It might be a specific behavior, a value mismatch, or a lack of something important like trust or respect that you need to feel secure and happy.

Everyone’s deal breakers are unique since they depend on individual values and experiences. For example, you might overlook differences in hobbies but find it impossible to be with someone who doesn’t share your core beliefs. Importantly, some deal breakers, like abusive behavior, are universally unacceptable because they harm your well-being.

According to relationship experts, deal breakers often signal that certain boundaries have been crossed or important relationship needs aren’t being met. Recognizing these can help you better understand what you’re looking for in a partner and what you won’t accept.

Many deal breakers are personal and based on what matters most to you, but there are some that many people encounter. Here are fourteen deal breakers you should watch for, with insight on how to approach each one:

1. Infidelity often tops the list. Cheating can deeply shake trust and respect, which are pillars of any relationship. While some couples heal from it, for others, it signals an irreparable break.

2. Lack of trust in your partner, whether due to past betrayals or consistent dishonesty, can create insecurity and instability that erodes connection.

3. Clashing core values like beliefs about honesty, equality, or future goals can create long-term tension if you’re fundamentally not aligned.

4. Differing family plans — such as wanting children versus not wanting any — pose major challenges that may require difficult conversations.

5. Conflicting religious or political beliefs can lead to disagreements that are hard to reconcile, especially if those beliefs are deeply held.

6. Contrasting lifestyles or future plans, like one partner desiring a quiet home and the other craving constant adventure, can signal incompatible directions.

7. Feeling unable to be your authentic self around your partner harms intimacy, as real connection thrives on openness and acceptance.

8. Sacrificing your life dreams or ambitions for a relationship can leave you feeling stifled and resentful, suggesting an imbalance.

9. A lack of respect, where you feel dismissed or undervalued, breaks the foundation of safety every relationship needs.

10. Specific behaviors or habits, such as substance use or lifestyle choices, might simply not fit with what you find acceptable or healthy.

11. Disagreements about living arrangements, whether it’s unwillingness to cohabitate or live in the same city, often require serious negotiation.

12. Difficulties sharing a living space due to cleanliness, pet preferences, or daily habits can cause ongoing frustration without compromise.

13. Changing who you are too much just to please your partner risks losing your individuality and means the relationship might not be right.

14. Any display of abusive behavior — be it verbal, emotional, physical, or otherwise — is a non-negotiable deal breaker for your safety and well-being.

Facing a deal breaker can feel unsettling and painful because it often challenges hopes you had for your relationship. The first step is to clearly identify and confirm the issue, ideally by having honest conversations with your partner.

If you realize certain differences can’t be resolved or boundaries repeatedly crossed, it’s important to pay attention to your feelings. Persistent sadness, confusion, or discomfort are signals that things might not be right.

Seeking support from friends, journaling your thoughts, or talking with a therapist can provide clarity and guidance on whether to continue or end the relationship.

Sometimes, breaking up is the healthiest choice, allowing both partners to find relationships where core needs and values are better honored. Choosing your emotional health and safety over maintaining a toxic or incompatible relationship is vital.

Remember, while compromise is part of any partnership, compromising on essential values or personal safety isn’t healthy. Knowing your deal breakers empowers you to create a relationship that truly supports your growth, happiness, and well-being.